you know, i thought things would be different. i have worked at mother teresa's. i have been a nurses aid. i cared for my old neighbor before he went into the hospital for the last time. I certainly do not yell at old ladies in distress or stomp my feet in anger or scream like a phsyco at my kids..yet here i am unable to manage my emotions. i look at my father and i cry. i interact with my struggling mother and (for reasons i cant express here) i loose my shit. whaaaat?! i came here to be a comfort to her, to be a blessing. to interject the Holy Spirit into a sad, ugly situation...and instead i am hanging on by a thread and i feel like everybody is looking at my with the "what the hell?" look.and they are not wrong to give it to me.as they said in "Airplane"---"i picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue". seriously.
then there is my sister. also struggling..also heartbroken for various reasons. there are always layers and layers to this family stuff...and here she is, able to look our dad in the eye and decipher his needs and talk to him with dignity..and help him as much as possible.able to function in relationship with our mother in a way that i am not. i am in awe of her strength.
as i lay in the dark last night..my sister was in my mind. not as herself though...instead as Naaman's slave girl. stolen in battle, she was eventually made a slave in Naaman's house. it is unclear if he stole her himself as a spoil of war or if she was purchased by him. but i guess it doesnt matter. both are bad. then there is naaman, rich and powerful and sick with leprosy. he was her MASTER and she said to his wife "oh if only he could go to Elisha and he could be healed.." she ENCOURAGED the very ones who enslaved her..she HOPED for his healing...she had COMPASSION for his hard situation....she had FAITH. he went to Elisha and received what he NEEDED. i see what my dad needs, relief. we all see it. but somehow my sister, this slave girl of sorts, is able to bring comfort to him. i am amazed at her compassionate, loving spirit. the bible doesnt tell us ( i don't think) what ever happened to the girl in the story..did she rejoice in his healing? was she given her freedom? what happened? to me she is the main player in the story...not the prophet/healer. this young girl, her relationship with God and her faith & compassion. that is what stands out to me. so the end of her story in unknown. but for my sister..her journey becomes clearer and clearer with each step. BE WHO YOU ARE DESIGNED TO BE REGARDLESS OF THE HELL THAT SWIRLS AROUND YOU AND YOU WILL BE FREE. with each tear, each look in his eye, all the comfort she can give to her family...with each one of those..she continues to walk in the freedom that is offered her by a loving God.
as she gives, she unknowingly receives.that is the most beautiful thing.