today was weird for a lot of reasons..worried for a friend who was having major surgery..i fell down the steps holding my two year old...found a storage bin full of black moldy water that had been leaking into the basement, which CRACKED OPEN when i picked it up..my children found new and creative ways to undo most of the work i had done throughout the day. most of my thanksgiving tasks were left undone.it was weird and frustrating, and i was worried about anna. so all i wanted to do was eat or crawl under a blanket, or knock someone down. when i called christel to update her on how our friend was healing, she told me about a man in her neighborhood who chatted with her as she took her thanksgiving groceries out of her van.chatted about how many children she has and such a full house and how he wasn't seeing his kids or grand kids for the holiday...and how a messy, broken, crazy family...is better than no family at all...better than being alone. that was her "word" for me today (she laughed) that IT'S BETTER THAN BEING ALONE. now i am left to think on that.
-it's better to have a friend to love, worry about and pray for...than no friends at all.
-i may have fallen down the steps..but my son was not hurt. and i fell down the steps of a home that we are lucky enough to own, when so many families are loosing theirs.
-okay, so alot of my scrapbooking stuff got ruined in the bin, but at least the bin caught the water instead of flooding my basement.
-and my kids.better to clean up their messes, shush their shrieks and navigate their crazy..than to be without the loves of my life.
beyond the thought of "well..my day was a downer but i am lucky not to be alone." beyond that and into the idea of how grateful, how thankful and how much i love about life..that is where my heart turns now. how thankful i am for my husband who i love and hope with..he provides and gives all he can to us.that we fight and it's okay.that we have been married for ten years and it does not seem that long. my children who FILL my LIFE with joy and love and they let me be just who i am, no matter how embarrassing that might be to them. my siblings whom i adore and revel in the bond that God gave us throughout this life..to understand and get each other...to not have to explain, no need for back story to be told..they just get it, and love me anyway. friends old and new...here and far away that i have shared so much of this life with..tears and laughing and creating and fighting and hoping and traveling and birthing..all of it. india,texas,nicaragua,new zealand,new haven...i cant name everyone who has touched my life with their friendship..but i am thankful for what i have been given in my relationships.and that in those relationships i have learned how to GIVE better. for hands that can create and a mind that can imagine...all of it. i do love my life.parts of it are hard..just like yours is.. but i am so glad that THIS one is mine. i feel like Thanksgiving came early for me...and i am sitting at the table getting to say my bit about what i am thankful for (something that makes my husband and older child cringe...)i really am thankful. thankyou God, for this life that you have given me..
